


Don’t Even Try It

by Afanof_manythings



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28211586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Afanof_manythings/pseuds/Afanof_manythings
Summary: Illumi always defends his husband.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 176





	Don’t Even Try It

**Author's Note:**

> this idea came into my head so i wrote it

The Phantom Troupe rarely takes requests. They are free spirited, in a loose sense of the word. The boss has a free spirit, so the members have to go along with it. Chrollo had had a hunch about this one though, and so there is an imposing looking man in a, frankly hideous, suit sitting at the head of the table in the warehouse they are camped out in.

Illumi is unimpressed. The man has mediocre nen, barely over fifty on Hisoka’s scale, and Illumi can tell he’s a bit nervous. Although he finds it justified, it is also unseemly. Confidence to commission the spiders but nerves in the presence? Who does he think he is.

“I’m looking for someone, and i think you lot can help,” the man says. His name is something with a J. Jenson? Jackson? Illumi would usually write information like that down, but this isn’t his job. This is the troupe’s. He is mostly there to look after Kalluto.

“And who might this someone be?” Chrollo asks from the opposite end of the table. Illumi is ready to tune out. He’s usually only mildly annoyed by Chrollo’s machinations, but this job seemed extra pointless. He wonders if Hisoka would want Thai takeout. That always makes Illumi feel better.

“Hisoka, the magician,” The man replies. Illumi’s eyes snap open. His expression does not change beyond that, but it is enough for Kalluto to shoot him a look from a few seats over. It isn’t like he has anything to worry about. This man seems like no threat to either of them. It gets on Illumi’s nerves that this man would even think himself capable of challenging Hisoka, though. He leans forward and turns his head so he is staring straight into the man’s beady eyes.

“And what do you plan to do with him?” Illumi asks. To his credit, the man does not look any more afraid than he had been.

“None of your business,” The man responds, Illumi does not move his eyes. The man has guts, Illumi will give him that. Before Illumi can level his persuasion hatsu at him, there comes a chuckle from behind them.

“It actually is his business,” comes Chrollo’s voice, lined with infuriating amusement. The man sneers, tearing his gaze away from Illumi.

“And why is that?”

“Well, before I tell you that, I must ask, what made you think we, the group Hisoka was a member of for two years, would give you information to track him down?” The man narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to respond but Machi cuts him off.

“No, he was right, we would,” she says, polishing one of her needles. The man’s irritated expression begins to border on confusion.

“Regardless, we can’t help you,” Chrollo continues, undeterred by the man’s insolence. If Illumi was not remarkably skilled in restraint (he lived with Hisoka, he had to be), he would have killed the man by now. There are needles poised behind his fingertips as it is.

“Why the hell not?” The man grunts. The needles slip farther towards Illumi’s palm.

“His husband would never allow it,” Chrollo says amiably, turning to Illumi. Illumi keeps a neutral face, but his aura is downright murderous.

“His...husband...?” The man mumbles, eyes darting between Chrollo and Illumi. He scoffs.“Who the hell would marry that clown?”

 _Idiot,_ Illumi thinks as the needles fly from his hand and into the man’s jugular. He is dead before he hits the ground. Illumi stands up and looks down at the man with the smallest downturn of his lips.

”Ah, well, we all know what happens when someone insults him in front of his husband,” Shalnark remarks, cheerful as ever. Illumi’s expression is smooth as he turns his back and strolls swiftly out of the warehouse. They are definitely ordering Thai tonight.


End file.
